Yes Anna, indeed it seems to me that your poem transcends the bounds of traditional haiku. While I am not intelligent enough to truly break down the formal implications of your differences between the balance of Haiku, I would like to point out a few things I noticed: 1) The format is 7-7-4. In Haiku, it is 5-7-5, where the last is precisely balanced with the first, creating the number 10 surrounding the central 7. Here, the 7 comes first (perhaps a Western understanding of the holy number forced it to the fore), followed by the required number, a repetition of holiness. Finally, the poem ends harshly in a sudden 4, leading one to the ambiguous decision of whether the top or bottom of the 7 was cut off, or was the center taken out? 2) What syllabic differences are there between the three lines? The first line begins with a two-syllable word and has 5 words total. The middle line also begins with a two-syllable word, but has 6 words. The final line has only one syllable per word, creating the illusion of solidarity. I won't discuss the words themselves (the "wouldn't" contraction and its implications, the endings of the lines in "stop", "shirt", and "cold"), nor will I discuss the implications of the punctuation marks, but they seem quite appropriately placed!
The post-structuralist reality introduced by nature taking on the form of a mother's hand and simultaneously creating ambiguity in the idea that cold is merely a lack of heat. Assuming for poetic reasons that the abdomen and heart are the central areas of creating life and warmth, it is your mother figure (i.e., she who gave you life) that brings to you the harsh reality of separation and loss. To return to question 1 above, the answer comes with the repeated words "her hands." The center of the central line has been removed. This is in line with the theme of the poem. What a deep young girl!
4 comments:
Anna,
You a re a good daughter to let mommy warm up her hands with your body heat.
is this a poem? very post-modern, anna.
Yes Anna, indeed it seems to me that your poem transcends the bounds of traditional haiku. While I am not intelligent enough to truly break down the formal implications of your differences between the balance of Haiku, I would like to point out a few things I noticed: 1) The format is 7-7-4. In Haiku, it is 5-7-5, where the last is precisely balanced with the first, creating the number 10 surrounding the central 7. Here, the 7 comes first (perhaps a Western understanding of the holy number forced it to the fore), followed by the required number, a repetition of holiness. Finally, the poem ends harshly in a sudden 4, leading one to the ambiguous decision of whether the top or bottom of the 7 was cut off, or was the center taken out? 2) What syllabic differences are there between the three lines? The first line begins with a two-syllable word and has 5 words total. The middle line also begins with a two-syllable word, but has 6 words. The final line has only one syllable per word, creating the illusion of solidarity. I won't discuss the words themselves (the "wouldn't" contraction and its implications, the endings of the lines in "stop", "shirt", and "cold"), nor will I discuss the implications of the punctuation marks, but they seem quite appropriately placed!
The post-structuralist reality introduced by nature taking on the form of a mother's hand and simultaneously creating ambiguity in the idea that cold is merely a lack of heat. Assuming for poetic reasons that the abdomen and heart are the central areas of creating life and warmth, it is your mother figure (i.e., she who gave you life) that brings to you the harsh reality of separation and loss. To return to question 1 above, the answer comes with the repeated words "her hands." The center of the central line has been removed. This is in line with the theme of the poem.
What a deep young girl!
Anna Says,"WHAT???"
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